Getting Over Romantic Rejection: Guided Meditation (Written)
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Script inspired by:
Emotional First Aid: Practical Strategies for Treating Failure, Rejection, Guilt, and Other Everyday Psychological Injuries by Guy Winch, Ph.D.
Mental Bubble Bath Guided Meditations use scientific or professional insights into meditation and mindfulness as the basis for designing content. For our list of recommended, publicly accessible literature that inspires a lot of our discussions, please see our Recommended Readings section.
Aware.
Before we begin, let’s find a peaceful place inside our mind.
A place that allows us to relax, and to focus.
Whether you are sitting up with your spine erect, in a chair or on the floor, or whether you are relaxing in bed…
Try to center your attention on yourself to become aware.
Aware of your breath.
How it enters your body through the tip of the nose,
Expands your chest and your belly,
And flows out, now slightly warmer than when it entered.
Let’s do this a few more times. Observe our breath as it
Enters and expands
And how we let go of it
When it leaves.
Enters and expands
And then we let go.
If thoughts enter your mind as you continue this practice,
Acknowledge them
And then let them move on
As you return your attention back to the breath.
Now let’s scan our body for potential
Feelings of discomfort.
Perhaps there is some tension
in our chest or
A feeling of biting emptiness.
Maybe we feel burning
in our chest or our throat or
A feeling of tightness
in our belly.
Don’t try to suppress these sensations,
Or change them.
Simply, try to recognize them
And observe how they make us feel.
Instead of being irritated at these sensations,
Try to give them as much space as they need
Inside your body.
Perhaps they move around. Get smaller or bigger.
Grow longer while being observed, or begin to pulse.
Don’t try to change them and
just let them move and change
or remain exactly the same
Merely observing how they feel inside our body.
How to deal with being rejected?
Rejection comes in many forms in our lives.
In fact, it happens to us so often
That we don’t always notice it.
When a stranger switches their attention from you to someone else
In a middle of the conversation.
When a classmate or a coworker forgets about your suggestion to meet up
And plans on doing something else.
When a group of friends forgets to invite you to a shared event.
When a family member speaks unkindly of you behind your back.
When a potential or a long-term romantic partner rejects your affection or even your interest in them entirely.
Even though thinking about and experiencing rejection brings pain
That sometimes feels
Like a physical punch in the stomach
We forget just how common rejection can be in our life.
And, how efficiently we adapt to it sometimes.
After all, rejection is rarely personal.
And even when it is, it’s rarely your fault.
Rejection is rarely only your fault.
It’s an important, but a very difficult thought to accept.
After all,
Our mind, a naturally fragile being,
Takes rejection very personally
And quickly begins to question our part
In bringing about such an unwanted situation.
What could you have done differently?
Why does rejection keep happening to you?
Will you always end up being alone?
Even if the person
And who they needed at that moment in their life,
Or the events they experienced that affected
Their attitude towards the situation
Were completely out of our control.
Yet, if a stranger’s raised eyebrow can make us feel rejected,
No matter how unimportant a situation like that might seem,
We feel like we might never get emotionally used to
The more intimate rejections.
However,
Overplaying our part in a rejection,
Seeking out our faults
And attacking our self-esteem
Is not only counter-productive
To trying to understand what happened,
But it may leave a lasting damage
That will have an opposite effect
From trying to learn from the situation
And move on with confidence
Instead, let’s try to calm down
Our tendency to criticize ourselves.
Let’s take a slow, long breath
That enters and expands
And then we let go.
To ask,
What wasn’t my fault?
With a gentle, accepting attitude
Let us turn inward
Back to our breath,
Back to the physical sensations inside our body
And now, to the thoughts that disturb us the most.
Why are feeling the way we are?
Gently listen to the thoughts that come forth
As you think about the rejection you went through.
Without judgement or an urge to suppress
Or change them.
Listen carefully to the moments when your
Self-criticism points at your role in the situation.
At moments of confusion,
Anger,
And pain.
Focus on something that bothers you in particular.
Just one negative or critical thought you have about the situation.
Ask yourself:
What factors were out of your control?
Perhaps your partner had a specific taste that you could not fulfill?
A trait of physical appearance,
A matter of personal taste,
That you didn’t know about or
That you were not able to affect.
She or he might have judged your hairstyle,
your tone of voice or a manner of speech,
or your fashion taste without ever discussing it.
Maybe there was a mismatch in lifestyle between you.
An urge to travel clashing with
A safe feeling of being home,
A desire for bustling activity against
Comfort of quietness and internal retreat.
While one finds comfort in video games, movies, and books,
The other might be constantly trying to find new activities,
New destinations,
And new friends.
Perhaps it was
A movement into opposite directions,
Or a different attitude or vision of the future.
One of the partners might have wanted a bigger family,
The other might have wanted life in a quiet luxury.
Even more so, that someone could have been
Going through a crisis
In their family life,
In their personal outlook,
Or career and growth pursuits
That changed their attitude towards intimate relationships.
A series of rejections in certain situations
Created distrust,
Or perhaps an ex-partner
Created intense emotional confusion.
Perhaps your actions, opinions, or even success
Made them too self-conscious.
Perhaps the moment in their life just wasn’t right.
Perhaps it’s moral values or fears,
Perhaps it’s the attitude towards commitment,
Towards empathy, emotional attachments,
Or intimate relationships in general.
There are many factors and events
We just aren’t able to control in lives
Of other people
With either our decisions or our thoughts.
You are in control of who you are.
And yet, we still can
Control our interpretation
Our attitude
Our decision to learn
To adapt
And to grow
To move forward in a new direction
Or to make some observations
About our older approach
To remember what the things are that
You value about yourself,
Despite the rejections that you have faced
Or might even face again in the future.
Be it something particular about
Your personality
That is an important part of who you are
Or a particular talent or a vision
That is important to your life
That, despite being rejected,
Overlooked, or
Undervalued by some
Makes you stand strong and proud of yourself.
Aware.
Let’s, for a moment,
Return our attention back
To our body.
To
Take in
Another gentle breath.
And observe our sensations.
It’s absolutely okay
if they did not change.
Take time to observe,
Give space to,
And accept
The sensations you might be
Experiencing in your body.
Perhaps there a feeling of relief
Or reconciliation
With a more complex picture
Of the event.
Maybe there are some wounds
That linger
That still remind you of their presence.
Tension, pain, fear, anger.
Acknowledge the sensations
You are experiencing,
Simply being aware of what they are
How they make you feel
In your healing process.
As you take a couple more
Conscious breaths
That feel a little cool
At the tip of the nostril
Expand our lungs
And our belly
And leave a little warmer
As we let go
Take your new realizations,
New thoughts,
And new state of awareness
With you
As you confidently move forward.
